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V
Strength Through Unity, Unity Through Colbert. V is an scummy anarchist who wears a Guy Fawkes mask. He is nowhere near as awesome as the original masked man, Zorro. V is a wannabe loser who is trying to be as cool as Guy Fawkes, Zorro, and Stephen Colbert all at once, but he can't even scrape up an English ounce of coolness, because he's a loser. And a terrorist. V attacking innocent police officers.]] Origins From an early age, the young boy who would later order people at gun/knife/bazooka-point to call him "V" (a letter of the alphabet; couldn't he have at least picked a normalish-sounding name like "B" or "K"?) demonstrated great interest in torturing animals and beating up younger children. He was a latchkey kid, of course, and latchkey kids inevitably grow up to do evil things. V does very evil things, because he is a terrorist. He may or may not have any particular connection to demented eighteenth-century British politician Lord South. Influences V has had several prominent influences in his life, such as: * daytime television * the French * tea * British food But the most prominent and memorable was probably his time being held captive in a top-secret containment facility (absolutely not Gitmo). It was there that he was mercilessly experimented upon and, as some say, underwent his terrifying transformation from man to monster...a super-badass monster, but a monster none the less. His Gear V carries six daggers, proving his allegiance to Satan. These daggers are the most deadly bladed weapons known to man behind the lightsaber and the katana. V has a distinctive costume the most prominent feature is the mask. Guess who else wears masks? Islamofascists, bank robbers, and Darth Vader. The mask is of Guy Fawkes, a Ye Olde Terroriste of 15th-century England. He fought to bring the Roman Catholics, "the only true religion" back to power after years of persecution, but he could have done it better - like by not being a terrorist. Future Plans V hopes to someday host his own talkshow on a prominent network such as Fox, or perhaps Lifetime: "Television for Idiots." He has had some minor experience on a talk show, V TV, though it was short-lived...three...maybe four minutes tops... Fortunately for the world, he died in a fiery train explosion that blew up Parliament (Benjamin Disraeli would have been proud), so his dreams might have been temporarily delayed. But his death only strengthens the argument that V is the Antichrist. Wait - had that not been mentioned yet? Antichrist V is probably the Antichrist. Sightings 's face.]] Ever since his death there have been reported sightings of the terrorist codenamed "V", just like Elvis, Tupac, Chris Farley, and the immortal Abe. He has also been spotted playing the washboard in bands, and running from human-like gorillas. So this raises the queston... Is he truly dead? (Of course not. He's the Antichrist. But don't let us tell you what to think; you have to feel it in your gut, remember?) Things V Hates * Freedom * Democracy * The Laws of Physics * Words that don't start with the letter V (Except for Islamic jihad, which he pronounces "Vuh-Slamic jihad"...) * God Things V Likes * Death * Natalie Portman * Terrorism * Fireworks * Satan See Also * Freedom Haters * Freedom * Freedom Fighters * Liberals * Communists